Day 17: Delicate balance

Today I will be brief.

There’s a very delicate balance I think about all the time. It’s the events that allowed me to meet Kristen, which led me to virtually every event thereafter. I think about it because there are so many things that could’ve gone wrong.

I think about the odds it took for both of us to end up at NYU. One grumpy admissions officer could change that.

I think about the odds it took for us to both be a part of the same community service group. There were 12 groups.

I think about the odds it took for Kristen to have an extra cupcake to offer me — and for me to turn it down. All it would’ve taken was one less cupcake.

I think about the odds it took for her to text me — and for me to respond back and forth, until we ended up on that New York bench together.

Of course, the obvious answer is that any scenario in the universe is just as unlikely — and just as likely. But I think about this delicate balance because, when I sat there on the bench with her, every passing minute of conversation confirmed what I suspected. She’s perfect. I’ve often thought about those events, but only recently did I revisit the feelings I had on that bench. I can understand how this is not luck at all, or that there is no delicate balance. Perhaps this is just the scenario that happened to occur. But I know I made many conscious decisions that led me to that bench, which led me to think about grad school, which led me to Boston and New Haven and to the grocery store today. It was as if the cards of my life were building up into a house, and with one tiny little breeze, it all fell into this wonderful chaos that is my life.

That was a terrible metaphor.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this delicate balance. I’m getting better at resigning myself to the idea that, sometimes, these things build themselves up on their own — and all I can do is to recognize when they happen.

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